my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
