I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
