Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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