go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
