ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
