That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
