Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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