DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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