Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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