So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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