Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Your cock deserves a montage
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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