We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
