Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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