My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize