conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize