Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize