I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
