I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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