I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
