Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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