I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
