wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
