he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
