My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize