yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
