the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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