somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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