i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
