So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
