you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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