Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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