guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
