why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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