after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
