Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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