Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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