Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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