btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
