i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
