Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
