I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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