I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Randomize
