but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
