you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
