The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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