I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
