she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
