We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
