This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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