Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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