haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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