Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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