After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
These tits shall not be calmed
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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