How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
