Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
