well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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