I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he thought i was a dude.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
