It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
