I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
