hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
