You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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