This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
