i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
