he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
