yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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