Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Damn victory sex feels great
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