Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
