I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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