Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
