Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize