I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
