nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
