My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
