Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize