dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
