how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
