Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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